In a world where relationships come in various shapes and sizes, non-monogamous individuals often find themselves facing discrimination and bias. Much like homophobia, racism, xenophobia, and sexism, the term ENMophobia aims to shed light on the prejudice experienced by those practicing ethical non-monogamy.
In this blog post, we explore the need to create language around this discrimination, the question of whether non-monogamy is an orientation, and steps to normalize ENM. We also hear from experts and share tips for coming out at work.
ENMophobia, the term coined to address bias against ethical non-monogamy, is an important step in acknowledging the discrimination faced by non-monogamous individuals. Just like homophobia, this bias stems from a lack of understanding and an unwillingness to accept relationships that challenge traditional norms. By creating language around this prejudice, we can start meaningful conversations and work towards a more inclusive society.
The Question of Orientation
The debate on whether non-monogamy is an orientation or a lifestyle choice often sparks heated discussions. However, regardless of one's belief, it should never justify treating others differently or with disdain. Every individual deserves respect and acceptance, irrespective of their relationship style. Love comes in many forms, and it is our responsibility to embrace diversity and work towards understanding and acceptance.
Normalization of ethical non-monogamy begins with language.
Just like other discriminative words, ENMphobia has a negative connotation to it. The hate, fear, or discrimination of a certain group of people by a person – in this case an enmophobic individual – is received with negative a social response because of the language around it. If it sounds like that behavior isn't accepted by society, it is less likely to feel good to act in that way – no one likes social pain.
Another important piece of normalization is open conversation. By sharing personal experiences, discussing the advantages, challenges, and ways to address them in non-monogamous relationships, we can challenge misconceptions and pave the way for a more inclusive future.
But it’s not all on everybody else!
Non-monogamous communities also have the responsibility of not pushing the idea that ENM people are more evolved or that our relationship style is superior to someone else's.
It seems that the most backlash someone can face in the case of coming out is at work. In the majority of states, cities, and companies it is still completely legal to fire someone for their relationship style preference or relationship orientation.
Like any form of coming out, it can be both liberating and a bit nerve-wracking. It's important to think it through and be prepared. Having a backup plan in case things don't go smoothly is always a good idea. And own your relationship style proudly, just as you do with any other part of your identity.
Expert Insights on Coming Out
To gain some valuable insights, we turn to Tamara Pincus, co-author of "It's Called Polyamory: Coming Out About Your NonMonogamous Relationships."
She advises incorporating discussions about partners into casual conversations, much like how others talk about their relationships. When people become aware of your non-monogamous status, be prepared to answer their questions calmly and without defensiveness. The ultimate goal is to normalize your relationship style through genuine and transparent communication.
ENMophobia highlights the discrimination faced by non-monogamous individuals and emphasizes the need to create language that acknowledges and challenges this bias. In the hopes of normalizing ethical non-monogamy let’s work together on promoting open conversations and educating society.
Have you faced challenges as a non-monogamous individual, and how did you navigate them? What steps do you think we can take to further normalize ENM? We would love to hear from you!
Together, let's break down barriers and promote a world where love is celebrated in all its forms.
